Lost

Warning: this will be a long post. (Maybe I should break it up into two??)

I feel like I should explain this obsession I have with California. When I mention it to most people, they think I am crazy. But I’m not. Well maybe a little but that is okay.

When the idea of moving to California started to sink itself deep into my very being a couple years ago, I was looking for something in the world that would relight that spark in my soul that would make me feel alive again. I was praying for signs that would either encourage or avert my attention away from the west coast. It has been a inward struggle that has manifested itself in discontent in my daily life. Where I once found joy in things that were apart of who I had been for years, a sense of stagnancy started to emerge and take root. No longer were the days of spending time exploring the backroads and getting lost around Ponotoc county with my Dad or evenings around a bon fire surrounded by close friends and family, goofing off and cracking jokes enough to satisfy this girl. There was and still is a voice in the deepest part of my mind and soul saying the same thing over and over.

I am lost.

When I was young, maybe 6 or 7, I remember being told that if I am ever lost to look up at the sky and find the brightest star. That it would lead me home, like a lighthouse guiding sailors to shore safely in the darkest of night. That’s what I envision California has been doing to me. I am lost. Looking for my place in this world. (Aren’t we all though?) California is my lighthouse. Guiding me to a destination that I have set out on. Finding myself and who I am.

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I googled for an image of a lighthouse in California. Seemed appropriate.

In all honesty, growing up I never thought I would ever leave Oklahoma. If I did I always figured it would be to Texas or Nashville. Where I could surround myself in music that was similar to what I grew up on and what predominately took over the speakers in my stereo. Let’s face it. The only thing I’ve ever REALLY seen myself doing, is being involved in the music world somehow. After living in Ada, OK and getting more involved in music scene of southern Oklahoma and then being active in the Central Oklahoma scene, I know without a doubt this is the industry I want to spend the rest of my life being apart of. Even with the ever changing of ups and downs that are an essential part of the world of music. The only problem. I can’t find my niche here and in all honesty it feels like this state, once proud and uber supportive of the music and artist that come from it, has lost it’s enthusiasm for local music. The attendance at live shows has dwindled and unless you play a specific type of music you won’t get any notice.

As just a songwriter it’s even harder. The amount of Open Mic nights available has become less and less. Or maybe there are more and no one broadcast them. Which, if that’s the case, only allows certain people to play them every time and not allowing new (I use that word very loosely) singer/songwriters the opportunity to put themselves and their art out there. That’s one of the appeals of Los Angles to me. The idea that there is a city. Where music, of all kinds, has an opportunity to flourish is very attractive. I know it will not be an easy transition to a new city let alone a new state nor will it happen quickly. But that will not deter my enthusiasm. I’m not just moving out there to try and make it as a songwriter. I want to work for a boutique label/publisher that still believes in the value in an artist and their songs. Who will fight for it’s clients to help them reach their goals and aspirations and will nurture their creativity. I want to help others make their music dreams come true. That is my ultimate dream.

So until I save up enough and one of the many resumes I have sent and continue to send out sparks the eye of a place like that. (I know they exist so don’t tell me they don’t) I will continue to work towards my lighthouse and hopefully one day I will no longer be lost.

Oh, I’m enjoying reading these Coffee sleeve things when I do drink coffee. They have been pretty inspiring to me lately. Especially this one from today

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Follow your passion. It will lead you to your purpose.

– Oprah Winfrey

Thanks Oprah!

Jess

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